Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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