I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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