we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My bed smells like the plague
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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