Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
