I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
