you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
