I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i would one night stand the shit outta him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
