I can tuck mytits in my pants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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