Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
