so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
