god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
