i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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