she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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