Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
