dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
time to smoke my breakfast
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize