Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
