someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
