he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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