i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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