so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
