My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
