So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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