Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize