I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
