Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
