If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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