I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A bitchslap is in order.
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