i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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