Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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