Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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