this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
