I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
