i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
