life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize