Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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