Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
