scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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