No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just google imaged poop.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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