i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
