I was born with a shot glass in my hand
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
