Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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