I just pynch a tree in the face
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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