new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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