I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
