is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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