He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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