do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
