i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
