since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
