fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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