I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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