ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
