his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
