I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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