His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
