Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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