Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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