you have to choose: penises or morals?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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