So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.