If that was your dad, he is hot
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.