Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.