gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.