The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
