Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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