id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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