I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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