and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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