Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
