we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
